Personal · Thoughts


August 3, 2016 around 7:30pm I met you.

I was walking with my friends on the hallway when I saw you. It was my dismissal time and it was your last class on the room beside my room. You smiled on the group at my back because they are your friends and I love the smile but hate it at the same time. I love the smile you gave because it was not the perfect smile but it was suitable for a guy like you and I hate it because that smile made me stop and realized something- realized that I will be fascinated by it. The smile you gave even though it wasn’t for me made my turning world stop, fast motion slow and made my resting heart alive. That was the magical feeling I’ve felt. That was my first time got starstruck by a guy- a normal guy, a college guy.

I had ex-boyfriends and ex-crushes but I never felt magic to them on our first meeting. I never felt a slow motion to them- just on you. Very very unexpected. Very unexpected because you don’t have the most handsome face and fairest skin yet you took my breath away, you made me gawk and you made my system zest. Now I know what slow motion feels like. I know what starstruck feels like. I know that it is not about the looks or appearance. It is about who captured your heart.

I searched for your name on Facebook. I was your stalker and still am. I added you as my friend and I felt excited when you accepted my request. And the next day, we chatted, because of our mutual friends and to the closest friend you’ve got- do I owe your friend for telling you that I got crush on you? Well, I guess fifty percent yes and fifty percent no. That was really embarrassing.

I bumped into you for how many times in the hallway and even around the University and still I am captivated. I don’t know what you’ve got why I feel this magical feeling towards you. This is so unusual. We smile at each other and you already know me and you even chatted me to make sure that it was me you bumped into, and I really popped when you told me a compliment- damn you don’t know how my romantic excitement lasts and I felt the whole zoo on my stomach because butterflies is inadequate for what I felt that time.

Every time I see you standing outside of your room I really feel the same feeling- so damn magical. I am always excited to see you and I don’t know why I want to see you even though I don’t really know what I really feel about you. Hmm.. What do you call this unexplainable feeling? I AM SO CONFUSED WITH WHAT I FEEL. CRUSH? LIKE? I don’t know. I can’t say that this is like or crush because it’s like attraction and I am really sure it’s not because of how you look. There is something more why I am feeling this one.

Can you please do me a favor? Please stop smiling at me because you don’t know that my heart is beating so fast, like a horse on a race. I don’t want feel this feeling anymore because I think I can’t get you- but so unfair because if you were on my shoes you can get me. I don’t want to put myself in the stage of being broken because there is no chance between us and I don’t even want to give a little hope believing it. I don’t know if what am I on your point of view. I badly want to know it tho.

As I reminisce with the feeling I felt last August 3, 2016, I can’t get rid my smile and happy thoughts off. I smile at you every time we passed each other by but you don’t know what’s the story behind my smile. You don’t know how I feel seeing you but I do know my limitations- and that’s only in the lane of your only friends or should I say fans.

Sometimes I can see false hope but I am not letting myself fall on that trap. I don’t want to risk again and believe- I don’t want it. I am resisting and God knows how. I know my lessons long time ago and I learned it well.

I wrote this one not to get your attention(Even though I know you will never ever be in this site) but because I just want to express my feelings and share to others that magic really happens even though you got a high walls to guard your heart. I want to write and keep this one because I want to remember the feeling and amusement I felt that time. And most importantly I know for myself that this is not my definition of love.


You don’t have the best smile, you don’t have what I want, I don’t know if you’re even in but one thing’s for sure August 3, 2016 I saw a guy who made me believe that not only in the fairytale, books and not only a Princess can feel magical feeling. Magic cannot be performed by magicians alone, it can also be performed by a college and an athlete guy. Magic cannot be done with a magic wand alone it can also be done with just a one smile. Magic cannot get only applause it can also get heart. Magic cannot be only between magicians and  people- it can also be between you and me.


2 thoughts on “Magical

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